Happiest hour of my life

Okay so this week was good. We got tons done and there was a lot learned. But, I had an experience this week that completely changed my mission.

This experience had nothing to do with "missionary work" so don't get too exctied...

So I have two major character flaws which have probably gotten worse since I've been on my mission:

1. I do not want people to know how I am really doing so I rarely ask for help and I frequently hide my emotions.

2. I have zero patience.

Communication and patience are very important qualities to have as a missionary and lately I haven' t been able to find them. I've been having a REALLY hard time. That said, you should know that this email alone is kind of unusual, but this experience is too good to keep to myself.

Last transfer Sister Jin and I had a hard time working together. I love her and she is sweet, but the cultures are opposite. I would try and show her love and affection, but apparently that is rude in Korea so it was a lose-lose situation. 

There was also a lot of complaining from both of us and it was getting to me. We rarely ever had the spirit with us and I was very frustrated. One day we were arguing in the car and Sister Jin said "I want to go home" 

and so I responded (not in the nicest tone btw) "Then go home!" 

She looked at me and neither of us said anything for a little bit and then I finally said "I'm sorry, but Sister Jin you don't have to be here. I am not here to make friends with other sisters. I am not here to say I served a mission. I am solely here to bring people closer to Jesus Christ." 

We talked for a while after and there was A LOT of apologizing, but I ended up realizing that I have blamed her for everything and CHOSE to be offended by what she said and did. Heavenly Father has us together for a reason and I know that we have all been promised that if we do our very best that the Savior will make up the rest. 

So now that we are together another transfer, I'm happy I've figured her out. I just need to love her (including hugging and kissing her even though she used to hate it, she has learned to love it) and we have been able to focus more on the work. 

However, I have still felt like a bad missionary. There were multiple times that I would just lock myself in the bathroom and cry. I would get on my knees and plead with Heavenly Father to help me and it would get better and then something would happen and we would be told all of the things we were doing wrong.  (Side note: since Sister Jin is learning english and is quite shy, everytime someone needs to talk to "us" it's really just to me.)

So, I was trying hard to be Christlike and help Sister Jin, while also trying to get the work rolling, but it wasn't enough and so I ended up having a couple of breakdowns which have then lead to fasting (I have fasted every week this month) but still it was getting worse. 

Last Friday night I had just gotten off the phone with our District Leader who "interrogated" me about our day and I looked at Sister Jin and said "I cannot do this anymore. Something needs to change, and I think it's me." 

I decided I was going to fast the next day and it was going to be the best, most heartfelt and prayerful fast I've ever had. I went to the bathroom and sobbed like a baby and tried to figure out what I was going to do when the thought occured to me "be grateful".  That's it. I knew that no matter what happend I was going to be grateful. Even if people were mean to me I was going to be grateful.

I went back to the room, looked at the clock (it was 10:45 PM) and got on my knees to say a prayer of pure gratitude. I wasn't going to stop until I had prayed for literally everything and everyone. It went from all aspects of the gospel to things as little as my toothpaste. It didn't feel like I was praying very long, but I decided that my prayer was sufficient and I felt like Heavenly Father was there intently listening the entire time.  When I got up and looked at the clock it was 11:45 PM exactly. 

I don't know the signifigance of the exactness, but that was probably one of the happiest hours of my life. It seriously changed my whole attitude. 

Saturday morning I woke up and still wanted to fast, but kept it to myself and tried to have the most positive attitude I could, which was really hard considering I was hungry and exhausted not only from crying but going to bed pretty late.  But, I knew that it was just Satan and that I would be blessed for my hard work.

Before we went to dinner at a members house, I broke my fast and was in a really good mood. Sister Jin and I were laughing and singing and having a jolly ol' time. But, I knew that night that we were going to get a call from our District Leader and that he was going to test my patience and I nervous for it. 

When he called, he simply asked how our day went and who we talked to and if there was anything he could do for us. I had a few questions that he helped clarify about Jesse's baptism and then I said "Well I think that's it. Do you have any questions for me?" He said "Nope! I trust that you are doing what you need to. You are a good missionary Sister Nelson. You have really done great work in the Corona ward."

I. Was. ECSTATIC! It was seriosly a direct result from my fast. Now things are AWESOME!! There haven't been any problems and everyone has been getting along. I know it's because of my fast and the change in my attitude. I seriously have been so much happier these past couple of days and everything has been working out!

I love this gospel. I love being a missionary. I love all of you.

xoxo

Sister Nelson

PS. Jesse's baptism was beautiful!!! It was so special…especially, because it was Sister Jin's first one. She finally realized why she is on a mission. She was quite emotional. :)

PPS. So we are not supposed to hold babies, but the Spanish ward doesn't really follow that rule which is fine by me! :)

(email received October 28, 2013)